tooth soup

In the course of this day-of-birth (and its preceeding days) I have come across the following three pieces of helpful advice for the rest of ye people to enjoy and edure at my expense. And yes, to whoever will be musing just his fact in a moment, I do seem to have written a lot of list-posts lately. Ask Lexi for the reason behind this. Actually don’t, she won’t remember/care. The simple fact is that I like writing lists. And it’s an easy literary device for making short, sharp, succinct points. Unlike the rambling paragraph you see above. Anywho:

1) If, by any chance, your car seems to be doing things that it really shouldn’t be doing, i.e. revving low when changing into 3rd or just generally behaving sluggish, do not tell yourself that “It’s probably just the low petrol level.” Convincing yourself that a quarter tank of petrol is the reason why your car is behaving out of sorts is really fucking stupid. As is revealed by the fact that I spent exactly 2 hours and 47 minutes wondering why I didn’t call my mechanic yesterday while wating for first an RAC man and then a tow truck to drag my poor wounded car away from its place of unplanned slumber today.

2) If, by another global coincidence, you decide that you can probably handle going to work on a meagre 5 hours of work, persuade yourself otherwise. I got asked what my NAME was and I couldn’t for the life of me organise my thoughts into what is usually a pretty easy question to answer.

3) If, by what may be considered an entirely cosmic event of the most unimaginably large odds against, you have not realised that life is short and that we really are here only for a fleeting moment against a vast tapestry of what one might call ‘the human experience’ then please – take some time out to go do something that you enjoy. Go for a bike ride on that old pushy that you haven’t touched since primary school. Take a photo of yourself pulling a funny face. Find your best friend and tell them that you want to buy a pari of clogs, then spend all day doing everything but. And for heaven’s sake, get the hell away from your computer and do something else.

Sayonara, eel-lickers.
Phill…now 19-turning-twenty.

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