Uncle Delicious
by phill
Gather ’round folks, I’ve just had a Life Experience. And dang was it tasty.
Ever since becoming an uncle, I’ve been contemplating exactly what my role is. There’s this nagging fear that I might turn out to be That Uncle. The one that everyone at a family gathering takes shifts keeping an eye on because he’s not to be alone with the kids. I also don’t want to turn out to be the Asshole Uncle that no-one in the family likes, and everyone wishes would just get the hint and disown himself. These are nagging worries for me, and I’d been thinking hard how I could navigate my way around them.
Tonight, I found the answer.
It came in the form of a hunger after a torturous session of indoor soccer. I was ravenous, consumed with a desire to eat that I imagine only zombies and the willy-wagtails that scavenge around the university are ordinarily privy to. The endorphins must have been kicking in, because as I was preparing my egg-and-toast dinner, I was struck by a feverish, reckless blot of inspiration. I raced to the pantry and discovered the ingredient that had so called to my desire, and slathered it onto the piece of toast before whapping down the egg (sunny side up if you please, and let the egg white stay a bit runny), salting it, and leaning back to examine my handiwork. It was Good, and I give it to you now…
BEHOLD! EGG-AND-PEANUT-BUTTER-TOAST!
(and another with egg, vegemite, and tomato sauce)
So you see, I am now the Uncle With The Really Gross Eating Habit. It’s perfect! My Uncle Henk has a taste for triple salted licorice (which my brother has somehow imitated), so I’m essentially inhereting the mantle from him. Of course, I still plan to be the Really Cool Uncle who buys stuff and plays video games and is painfully cool to his niece, but this will do for now.
And I won’t even need to be watched at parties.
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Comments
You know that this is going to be absolutely disgusting when you eat it when you are no longer hungry? Like my midnight post-drinking-binge awesome idea of tuna, cheese, vegemite and eggplant dip on toast episode. It was brilliant, until I was about halfway through it, the ravenous edge had worn off, and I started to feel slightly ill…
…that vegemite one might actually need trying… right after the vegemite and timtams idea.
Egg and peanut butter? You’re strange. : P
Being an uncle must be a huge responsibility. I’m an aunt, but my nieces and nephews are my cousins’ kids, and they live in LA and London, so I rarely see them. Thusly, I don’t have much of a role to play in their lives. But if my brother had kids (scary prospect), I don’t know what sort of aunt I’d be (even scarier prospect).
Anyway, good luck! I’m sure you will be a much loved uncle, especially if you’re going to buy stuff. ^^
Oh! You should tell them stories. You’re good at those.
A friend of mine, rather stoned at the time, decided to play chef one evening – the munchies are a cruel mistress, don’t you know – and fashion a few gourmet mayonnaise-covered croutons. Standing there, staring at him devouring his dish, I thought it an abomination.
Now that I’ve tried it, it’s actually not so bad, so you might just be onto something with this egg-and-peanut-butter-toast business.
Mayonnaise covered croutons…hot damn I’m there. Another inspirational meal I’ve heard of was peaches on pizza, which could actually work if it were Hawaiin.
Well, it hasn’t been so much of a huge responsibility yet because little Amber still isn’t at the stage where she can talk. She mainly just points randomly at things, and poos. But there will come a time when I’ll have to school her on what is appropriate musical taste. I am readying my playlist already d:
Ladybird books for the win!
Oh god why? I know they’re two Australian icons (though one less than the other now that Vegemite is owned by an American company) but never the twain shall meet! That’s like having lamingtons with vegemite…ugh.
That sounds just amazing. Next time I’m drunk I’m going to have those ingredients in my pantry just to try it. fuck yeah (:
thank GOD someone else has heard of egg and peanut butter toast! my egg is omlette style with peanut butter spread on both pieces of toast and i eat it as a sandwich. It’s MARvelous!
Bwah ha ha ha you aren’t going near my daughter with that stuff… on a weekday. Weekends are still cool though bro.
Matt
Just realised, how did the vegemite/tomato one taste? Not the culinary delight you were hopin’ for?
Lauren told me she likes macoroni cheese with French dressing… :/
Oh, it was great, it’s just that I have that one by default. No, the peanut butter and egg was the true invention here (:
That sounds amazing! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I had macaroni and cheese last night, I could have exploded with taste had you hurried your words! Dash it all!
a good friend of mine likes to dip her snickers bar in canned tuna … it is absolutely repulsive ..