Still sick, jellyfish, mid-write crisis.
by phill
photo credit: Rache..
I think I described
my snot as something close to the consistency of opaque jelly last week. Well, maybe if that jelly looked like this jellyfish, I’d not really be that bothered. Also, if you haven’t got the National Geographic feed somewhere, you really should.I do like one of the quotes in there though:
The invertebrate is also incredibly fragile—it shatters as soon as it touches a net, she said.
“So it begs the question,” Gershwin said by email, “of how many fragile species are out there, right under our noses, that we have overlooked. … ”
If by ‘overlooked’ you mean ‘crushed with our noisy, oily death machines’ then yes, it does beg a question.
Anyway, moving on from sea creatures (endlessly fascinating as they are) and onto one of my most discussed topics. Efficiency. I’ve always had issues with getting things done in a timely manner. Wait, that’s not right. I can get things done on time, as evidenced by the fact that I graduated a couple years back, but it’s getting them done efficiently. That’s the thing that often escapes me. I am very, very able to be distracted by shinies. And by shinies I of course mean the internet. There’s just so much stuff! Ever since I was a little kid I’ve always suffered from the ‘missing out’ syndrome. That is, I feel as though I’m missing out on something if I’m not ears to the ground (or, in this case, eyes to the RSS feed) all the time.
I recently printed out all the pieces of writing I’ve written that I feel happy with. There wasn’t that many of them. I mean, tehre was a fair chunk, but not as many as I thought I’d have had over the two or three year period I’ve been trying out this writer schtick. And, although I can offer as many justifications, valid justifications, for that as I like, the real reason comes down to the fact that I get distracted. Or rather, I distract myself. But why? Why procrastinate from something I enjoy? Procrastination is something you do when you’d rather not be doing what it is you’re supposed to do. And that’s when I realised.
Writing, for me, has become like work.
I feel like I should be doing it. As soon as you use the word ‘should’ to descibe any activity, it’s a goner. “I should be doing my assignment”, “I should be washing the car”, “I should be getting this broken leg looked at”. See how it turns even the most menial of tasks into an insurmountable mountain?
I was thinking in the car today (I do my best thinking in the car, surrounded by idiots) that I’ve tried motivating myself about a million times into getting into a routine. Routine is good, it helps you to Get Things Done. And Getting Things Done is what life’s all about, right? Hmm. I guess I’m more about having a general set of ideas of what I want to get done and just slotting them in when I can. Lately I’ve tried things like assigning small amounts of time each day to things I want to do (20mins for writing, 10mins for bloggin’, 30mins for TF2 fun fun) but I always seem to just spend a lot of time pissfarting around in between these things. Distractions, distractions, distractions.
So I want to announce the removal of ‘should’ from my dictionary. Fuck should. The cynic in me is already predicting the end of this initiative three weeks down the track but fuck him too. Practise makes perfect, and if I’m continually trying to be a person who has the willpower to do things that improve and entertain himself, one day I might get the hang of it. I’m going to try and just do. Use the buildup of little dos to accomplish bigger dos and so on and so forth.
Writing is something I enjoy. I’ve turned it into work through my own messed up sense of duty and guilt, so it’s time to take that back. No more aiming for publications and accolades. I’m going to go back to when writing was fun, when it was a stress-reliever. My hope is that that’ll result in a lot more natural, unrestricted writing. Wish me luck, yo.
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Comments
Me thinks it might also be a case of you being a perfectionist, rather than being distracted. I get it with my photography all the time – if *I* don’t go “WOW” at the shot, then no one else will, right?
I had someone turn around the other day and tell me how much they loved one of the shots I wasn’t even willing to post on facebook, telling me I should send it into scuba diver magazine and get it published.
So I might start doing just that – at the end of the day, all they can do is reject them. Someone might see something in one of my photos (or your stories) they love that we just don’t see – don’t be so hard on yourself!
Foremost, the love.
So I want to announce the removal of ’should’ from my dictionary. Fuck should.
We seem to share many of the same problems with procrastination and such. I am still trying to eliminate “should” from my vocabulary, along with phrases like “I wish…” and “I can’t…” (which I tend to do when I see others accomplishing things I’m not; envy is a terrible thing).
As Yoda said, “Do, or do not; there is no ‘try.’”
Indeed. Thinking about it, idly typing emails to it, getting into that delta state of longing on the way home from work. These are the things I gotta get back to.
You’re probably right, Red. I get the same experience as you with some of my shorts that I’m just not happy with, but others still find entertaining. Then I umm and ahh over it, and eventually just leave it to die a slow magnetic death on my hard drive. I think perhaps if I submitted pieces more often, to publications, at least if I got a rejection it’d give a sense of closure–a sense of, ‘okay, this isn’t yet ready, I can get back to it at some point’.
Thanks for the comment dude (:
Oh, god, “I wish”. That’s a terrible one, and one I know.
From the response here and at the dA place, it’s comforting that other people share some of the same issues. And it’s good that people can admit to them. Acceptance is the first step in changing things, or so I hear. Just not too much acceptance (:
Success is failing to fail.
All right, so I’m not great with the quotage, but you know you’ve always got at least one devoted fan. Who also has a whipping post, if one dost need a good whipping.
…Not sure where that was going, I think I was attempting to motivate you. <3