tooth soup

photo credit: dotbenjamin

Charley sighed. Things

were not looking good. While he might admit that crushing the intruder wasn’t the most prudent of actions given the circumstances, the fault couldn’t be entirely attributed to him. Dave had been so stubborn! So bloody irrationally stubborn about anything that Charley suggested ever since the very first time he’d made contact. The stupid, oafish, sycophantic, hypocritical, lazy excuse for a–crack!–went one of Frederick’s ribs as Charley’s outrage at Dave’s incompetence scaled his size and weight ever-upward. Charley winced while Dave’s head shot up. ‘What was that?’ he said.

‘Nothing, nothing, just another example of this young fellow’s weakness. Seems his weak mind was mirrored by a weak body, couldn’t even cope with an old bar stool lying on top of him! Ha-ha.’

‘Ha-ha. You realise you are now taking up a good half of my living room, don’t you? And I wouldn’t mind if you took that leg of yours away from its current location of poking me not-so-gently in the crotch, if you wouldn’t mind.’

‘My apologies,’ said Charley, as he shrunk himself to a more appropriate size and tumbled off the body. Dave reached over and righted him. ‘Thank you David,’ said Charley, before he noticed the vacant stare currently occupying Dave’s expression. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

Dave shrugged woodenly and spoke in a barely modulated tone. ‘Yes, I suppose so. At the moment I believe my mind is scrambling to put steel bars around the notion that a talking bar stool not limited by the laws of physics has just murdered a man in my living room. Nevertheless, it is doing an admirable job and I will be perfectly fit to continue in but a moment.’ Dave’s expression contorted into a grotesque mask and sweat poured from his brow. It looked as if his entire face was being twisted from a point just above his left temple. All of a sudden, his features snapped back to normal and he piped up cheerily. ‘There we go! Now, what are we to do about this young man’s body which has mysteriously turned up here with no reasonable explanation, but which bears with it the compulsion that we must dispose of it without anyone noticing?’

If Charley had possessed eyebrows and a hairline, the two may have met for the first time at this latest exhibition of Dave’s superhuman aptitude for self-delusion. Still, he was being cooperative so Charley pressed on. ‘Uh, yes. Well, it seems as though this poor lad has somehow been crushed to death and staggered into your apartment.’

‘Crushed to death? How terrible! And we couldn’t possibly tell anyone this happened or call the police to have them investigate, could we?’

‘Er, no, we couldn’t do that because…uh, because…’ Charley tried desperately to think of an excuse that would satisfy Dave’s expectant look and pave over the gaps in his brain’s carefully reordered version of events. ‘Because they wouldn’t give the matter the due diligence and respect that this young man deserves?’ he offered.

Dave’s face split into a beaming smile. ‘That’s right! So what should we do?’

‘That’s something I’m going to need to think about.’

To be continued next Friday!

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