white and creamy commentary from the stovetop of the internet
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this week is some research that delves into the way the human mind deals with fear and panic in survival situations. Probably the most interesting thing was learning how there exist folks who don’t have the capacity to interpret things as fearful! As always, links to articles and the transcript follow the jump.
(Stealing these questions somewhat randomly from author Lee Battersby, whom I met very briefly at the Katherine Susannah Prichard Speculative Fiction Awards, and whose 2012 in review entry was linked by monsieur Dan. Thanks Lee!)
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Shot a gun. That was a pretty cool experience, having grown up on more than a few first-person shooter video games. Holding something in your hands that can so easily kill has given me a whole lot more respect for weapons. The kickback, the punch of it into your palms; it’s a lot different to the idea of guns I had from pop culture.
2. Did you achieve your goals for the year, and will you make more for next year?
Not really, and yes. I suppose I’ll list them here:
Read 30 books – I didn’t hit my target last year, so bad me. I want to review each one in the same style as my previous podreviews as well.
Write 3 short stories OR a novel – I only really got one short story complete and submitted this year. Pretty bad! This year I’d like to increase that count of short stories, or write a novel. I have ideas for both options, so it’s just a matter of whether I think now’s the time to have a crack at my first novel.
Get out more – Louise and I didn’t really get out a whole lot in 2012. Compared to 2011, when we went to a bunch of gigs and explored quite a few restaurants, we’ve done sweet bugger all. Pending more money at my disposal, I’d love to get out and get more cultural.
Plus keeping up exercise.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeap! My brother and his wife rounded out their family with young Hendrik (to whom I am a Godfather), while my good friends Debbie and Paul brought little Evie into the world. My sister is expecting her second as well, so our clan is growing rather quickly.
It’s interesting to see the changes in dynamic in my family as this happens. My family has never been real buddy-buddy close like you see in the movies, etc. but there’s always been a silent strength there. It’s nice to see it come into the open with the arrival of all these wee bubs.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Unfortunately so. My Tante Cas (Great Aunt, or close enough; she wasn’t really our relative from what I understand, but she was, if you get what I mean) from The Netherlands died this year. Thankfully Louise and I saw her when we visited Europe in 2008, so I have all the amazing memories from then to remember her by.
Her and my surviving Great Aunt, Tante Jope, while not partners, had been living together for ages and actually had a civil union recently in order to ensure that they could include each other in their wills. The picture of them from that day is amazing, one that I really want to get printed and framed. They always supported our family by sending money to Mum after my parents split up, wouldn’t have a bar of stopping. I’ll always be grateful to them.
5. What countries did you visit?
None this year, unfortunately. Next year is provisionally Spain again, although it’s looking less and less likely with each passing day, due to my lack of funds and inadequate time to build up leave if I do get a job.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
To get the obvious out of the way: financial security.
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I honestly can’t think of any that strike me as really memorable, one way or the other. To be honest I’m terrible with dates, so I probably wouldn’t remember any important ones anyway.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Probably getting off my arse and doing some proper exercise. I found a joy in riding my bike to UWA (whether meeting up with Laurie or not) that made me feel like I was achieving something better than just sitting at home fucking about on the computer.
9. What was your biggest failure?
The 100 or so job applications I’ve written and never heard back from.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully not. Other than the interesting sensation of experiencing the verb ‘slough’ as a result of fifty degree heat and manual labour out in Kalgoorlie, I’ve been pretty lucky.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Probably the best thing would have to be my new computer. I’d had my old one for around five years and it was starting to struggle a bit on a day-to-day basis. I used my tax return from the work I did in Kalgoorlie to fund it (tax returns are ‘me money’), although now that I’m down to my last pennies I can’t help but feel a bit shamed thinking about how much I spent on it. Still, as far as dollars-per-hour of entertainment goes, it’s been good value.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Definitely Louise’s folks. They put us up for almost a year at their place withotu asking all that much of us, all while experiencing their own stresses like moving jobs, and still parenting two teenagers. Can’t thank them enough.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
The actions of governments with regards to banks and the ‘too big to indict’ debacle was pretty fucking dismal. Highlights the gap between the prosecution of those with money and those without in spectacularly sharp relief. Really gets a struggling peon down.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Groceries and rent. PARTY HARD.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Absolutely nothing. I fear that my personality has been permanently dampened by this year. Being in a constant state of stress over money and my career (such as it is) has left me unable to really get excited. There’s always this nagging feeling that if I’m enjoying myself, I’m not suffering enough. ‘Catholic guilt’, I think they call it.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
I can’t think of a single song that isn’t a snarky reference to my wallet, so instead I’m going to say that finally seeing Ben Folds Five live in concert was about as happy as I ever got this year.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Sadder, thinner, poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Writing, or creativity in general. Having so much time on my hands means I really ought to be getting on with it and getting my tasks out of the way early so I can create guilt-free in the afternoons. But as with all things this year, my motivation has taken a big dive.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I dunno. Video games. Masturbating. Not-working. Pick one.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family and Louise’s family, over four stomach-bursting feasting engagements.
21. Who did you meet for the first time?
Oh, a bunch of people. Various luminaries from the Perth writing scene, a swag of new gamer mates in the form of the c.wizards clan, various friends of friends, and my new nephew.
22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Yes, with Benedict Cumberbatch (thanks Em).
23. What was your favourite TV program?
It’s a close race between Adventure Time and the newish BBC series of Sherlock (thanks again, Em). The former made Louise and I happy when we were sad, and the latter restored my faith in witty television.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
In the immortal words of my high school buddy Kane, “Hate is a very strong word.” I don’t tend to hate on people individually, but generalised ideas of people can incite feelings of loathing. One such group that has done so is the unyielding, obtuse entities known as ‘human resources’ that populate the writhing, black-blooded vitality engines of corporations everywhere. On the individual level, they’re fine; I’m related to a couple and they’ve never slighted me in the least. But as the cause of my continued suffering they’ve earned a place next to kidney beans as primary instigators of bad tastes in my mouth.
25. What was the best book you read?
Hmm. War Dances by Sherman Alexie was really great. More recently The Last City by Nina D’Aleo. I didn’t read so much this year, although I did listen to a huge amount of podcasts with short stories and performances, political discussions and sex tips. So maybe I should list some of them instead.
Here’s a few of my favourites: Radiolab, This American Life, The Moth Podcast, Start The Week, The Guardian Football Weekly, Slate Culture Gabfest, Podmentum, Selected Shorts, Professor Blastoff, JOMAD, Sci Friday, and Savage Lovecast. Google the names or search any of those on the iTunes store and you should be able to find them.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sufjan Stevens’ Age of Adz got a lot of play, as did the new Menomena album, Moms. War on Drugs, Moon Duo, Grimes, etc. etc. Getting back into making music a bit more regularly was fun as well.
27. What was your favourite film of this year?
I really didn’t get to the movies that much this year, but I really, really enjoyed Moonrise Kingdom. It just had the same kind of innocent optimism that Adventure Time has, and it made me happy. Honourable mentions go to Wreck-It Ralph, The Dark Knight Rises, Dredd, and The Avengers.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Twenty-seven, and Louise took me to shoot my very first gun (see Q1), and then on to Rockpool for an amazing dinner. Definitely one of the highlights of my year.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
One more time with feeling: financial security.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
31. What kept you sane?
Louise, mainly.
32. What political issue stirred you the most?
See Q13. Also, the political situation here in Australia (especially regarding the mining industry) continues to depress me. Short term vision of leaders just gets me down. History will side with those that support racial, sexual, and religious freedoms. It’s highly irritating that we must wait for the bigots to die out before we can push it through as law.
33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
Don’t take people at their word; get a mother flippin’ contract signed.
34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“I’ve been drinking up all the sweet tea
It was made just for me
I’ve been ramblin’
I’m just driftin’”
Come To The City — War on Drugs.
people online than I do in real life. This isn’t uncommon nowadays, although the degree to which anyone ‘knows’ someone online is a matter to be debated at another time. Disregarding that, I’ve connected with people online from all manner of backgrounds and countries from the very first eh-oh!* of my ICQ client. And even before that, roaming the thorny wastelands of internet relay chat (IRC).
It isn’t uncommon to have more e-’friends’ than real ones, but it’s interesting to think about if, like me, your online presence is gradually receding**. Symptoms of this include: not really visiting the old art and hobby community websites I used to contribute to daily; not belonging any active forums; not tweeting so much; barely ever being on chat (to the lament of my friends in far-flung corners of the world); basically only updating my Facebook when I have some new frozen treat to show off. As a result of this decline in activity, I’ve begun wondering what happens to my online relationships once I, well, stop being online.
In wondering this, I’ve tried to recall what happened to those people with which I used to have very close relationships online but whom which drifted away. There are the usual reasons: some throw themselves completely into their career, some marry, some have children. For these people, time is scarce in a way which doesn’t allow for extended periods of boredom which are the catalyst for chat windows and messages everywhere. But there are a few who just disappeared. A good writer friend–let’s call him ‘T’–and near constant online conversation companion for the first two years of my Ph.D. disappeared pretty much overnight. I don’t really know what happened, although in the only two-line email he has sent me since, I discovered he got engaged. And the thing is, for all the talk about privacy and how easy it is to find a person online, he’s impossible to get in contact with. When Googling his full name, I can find two poems of T’s online from a high-school collection. But other than that, nadda. It’s interesting because, while I respect his privacy and won’t ever prod further than the occasional email, I’m quite sad about it. Or perhaps not sad, but disappointed that I won’t be able to share anything further with a person I got along with really well.
I’m not so self-aggrandising that I think that everyone will weep waterfalls of tears upon realising they haven’t spoken to me in a while, but it certainly raises interesting questions about the nature of online interactions, and the psychological implications of losing long-term, sometimes very close, friendships due to a literal inability to connect with someone. Do we eulogise them, or simply accept that, just like real life, sometimes you drift away from people? I guess the main difference being that with real-life flotsam friends, a phone call is able to be made, or a friend of a friend can invite them to your next shindig. But the enforced technological limitation of trying to get in contact with an e-friend can often stonewall even the best of intentions. And I suppose that’s as it should be, else we be solicited by unwanted parties.
I don’t think there are solutions to this, or that the concept of a ‘solution’ is even a valid one: if you want to be hidden online, you should be able to be hidden. I guess for myself though, I’ll always want to keep up at least one point of contact so people can find me. That’d probably be this blog, for as long as I remain unhacked. Hm. And I hope that any and all of you that read this know that I’d be delighted if you would stay in contact, but that I’m also totally cool with it if you don’t comment or email 24/7. And that’s the way it should be.
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*A sound that I recently heard piping up, bizarrely, from a local grocery store till.
**At roughly the same rate as I’m receding from my real-world social life, but unemployment does that to you.
posts have been concerned with my ongoing search for full-time employment, and today’s will be no different. Thankfully, I can put an end to that particular narrative arc with some news. That news being that Louise and I have decided to stay on in Perth for the time being. I can’t fully disclose what I’ll be doing here yet, for the sole reason that a) no contracts have been signed so I don’t want to jinx it, and b) the exact details are yet to be determined. But the prospects look good and it’s a positive step. Louise, on the other hand, has been inundated with job offers in the 36 hours since making her resume active. Apparently there’s a shortage of draughtspersons in Perth at the moment, which is excellent news for her.
The moment that we decided to stay in Perth was weirdly succinct. I had just sent off six or seven resumes to various shitkicker-equivalent jobs in the various laboratories over East, and I was feeling good about it. It was the first set of applications I’d sent in a little over a week, so I had a bit of energy on my side. Lou and I made a cup of tea, sat down and I told her I’d just sent off all these resumes. And then I think we both had the realisation that all this stress we’d been going through, the depression, all of it was because we were trying to force something that just wasn’t meant to happen in this stage of our lives. That sudden realisation left us both a bit stunned; Lou couldn’t decide whether to laugh hysterically or cry, and I felt like I had just taken an eight-month-long breath and let it out all at once.
And that was that. As clichéd as the phrase is, it really did feel as though an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. You couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces the rest of the afternoon. Once we’d made that decision, we could make others, and still more until we felt in control of our lives once more. And that feeling of being back at the steering wheel is probably the biggest relief of all.
photo by: State Records NSW
having soaked up some very unseasonal Winter sun here in Perth by walking Lou’s dog and kicking the football (that’s football, not the other one featuring an ellipsoid and played mostly with fucking hands), I decided to finish up with the 3rd episode of Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness (which, for convenience’s sake, I’m going to abbreviate as PAA3). It’s interesting that not only are two posts in a row going to be game reviews, but both of them are concerning the third games in a series*.
This is a very witty game. I’m not limiting this statement to the dialogue which is, somewhat inevitably, given it’s written by PA’s resident wordsmith Jerry Holkins, up around the Joss Whedon wavelength of the dialogue spectrum. Unfortunately for me, PAA3 is the first game I’ve played in the series, and that did seem to hurt my enjoyment of the back-and-forth a bit by not quite getting all the dialogue explaining Tycho’s family quest to destroy the universe. Most of what I didn’t follow completely came near the end of the game, so for the most part it wasn’t an issue. And of course, there’s always Wikipedia articles to read if you want to understand the full story. Other than the dialogue, there were also little descriptions of each monster that show up in the battle screen that genuinely made me grin at times.
Unlike a couple of other reviews that I’ve read around the place (the one from RPGFan in particular) I think the guys at Zeboyd have done a great job of offering some innovations to a combat system that can often seem grind-worthy. And while the linearity of the game is incontestable in the sense that the maps are linear, the variety of monster combinations and match-ups means that each battle often plays out very, very differently to an encounter five steps back along the hobo-encrusted alleyway. If I think back to most of my early 16-bit JRPG experiences (which the game’s graphical style is emulating), it was often the case that battles were pretty much a matter of navigating to the hardest-hitting spell in each player’s inventory and casting it over and over again. Random battles began to wear thin after maybe the fiftieth time casting ‘Firaga’.
Not so PAA3. In each (non-random) battle, player characters start with full HP, and have to use that fresh slate to take on enemies whose stats grow by 10% each round. Through this mechanic, the game is able to make the player focus on efficiency. This lends it a puzzler aspect, resulting in each battle being more about trying to maximise each character’s input rather than just straight-up using a standard massive attack. It almost feels as though PAA3 is approaching the puzzle/RPG genre divide from the opposite direction games such as Puzzle Quest. I think it’s a really innovative way of doing things in the RPG genre, and I’d love to see Zeboyd Games (the new developers) refine the idea towards a more openly puzzle game-like nature.
One thing that I think is a little lacking it’s that some skills seem to be relatively unused. The class system means there are often a dozen or more skills that can be used by a character on any one turn, so obviously there are going to be ones that aren’t doing much more than getting in the way. I’d also have loved some kind of indication that a spell had been replaced by a newer version, as quite often I’d look for quite a while before realising that a recent level-up had changed its name. Perhaps just a yellow text colour until the player uses it for the first time?
The only other gripe I had was that revisiting previous locations on the map/town didn’t seem to have any noticeable benefit. While being able to go to them made the world seem at least a little bit more open, ultimately it’s more disappointing when repeated visits do nothing. Even if there were maybe one or two items, or perhaps some more amusing dialogue or easter eggs that could be found in this way, it’d be a nice touch.
All up the game took me around 7 hours to complete, and that was on the 2nd highest difficulty. I can’t remember getting too frustrated with any of the fights, although the penultimate boss took me longer than the final one (which is actually kind of a traditional thing, particularly in SNES RPGs). It’s on sale at $4.99 on Steam and Penny Arcade’s online store, or 400 points on Xbox Live. Recommended if you’re looking for a good little adventure that harks back to the good old days of pixelated RPG glory.
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*<half life 3 inside joke>OMG MUSTB HALF LIEF 3 SEKRET CODE QUICK EMAIL GABEN.</half life 3 inside joke>
